Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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