im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
