There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
