Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am naked and annoyed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
