The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
