My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
