His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
