pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
