I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
