pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
