you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
