nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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