i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize