no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
