she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize