You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
