Having a random hookup so left but love u
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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