Don't make out with my wife yet
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize