On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
