The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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