my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If I die, sorry about rent.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
