I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
