I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
