I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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