It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
