A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize