I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
