OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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