well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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