I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
