found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize