Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
