I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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