I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
