Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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