Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
