dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
