Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
