There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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