So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
