Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize