Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
