In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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