Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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