you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
