I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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