where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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