She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
