hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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