so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
