He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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