WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
