Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
