i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
