i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
