Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
