Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
