I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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