guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize