I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
