I will die if light touches me.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am spending my child support on dildos
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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