I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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