I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
