hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
