we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
